Verbal Vomit: News, Celebrities, and Ming Ming too!

Verbal Vomit Episode 3... More TV Talk. Snap! Crackle! Pop! News in a minute-ish. A Fact or Fiction victory. And cheers to Bryan and Danny!

Thanks, Wikipedia!

Disclaimer: Any Fact or Fiction item may or may not be true or false. The statements provided were acquired via the internet.

Oh, and Michael's sister is Jane.

Face to Face with Reality

As BYU sent the field goal unit out against Utah two weeks ago, some fifty yards of kick away from sending the rivalry game into overtime in the literal last second, I went to my knees and clasped my hands in the air, a prayer to the football gods on my lips.

“Please,” I said, “bless that my team isn’t really going to attempt this kick.”

I don’t know how favorable the odds are of making a do-or-die, 51-yard field goal on the road when playing an opponent you’ve choked against all night. I do know the odds decrease dramatically – probably to about zero percent -- when your kicker hasn’t practiced during fall camp, is 0-3 lifetime from beyond fifty yards, has attempted one kick all season (a miss earlier in the game) and is recovering from back surgery. Nevertheless, there was Justin Sorenson, lining up for a career long attempt.

To the astonishment of everyone involved, the kick was no good.

Fan foolery from the Utes provided BYU an unorthodox second field goal attempt, this time a 36-yard version of the same pressure-packed kick. Cougar coaches decided to swap the broken-back kicker for – get this – Riley Stephenson, who goes under the alias of 'BYU's punter'. I can only imagine how filled with confidence he was after being overlooked for the first kick. 

“Hey, this 51-yarder is a little long for you, but don’t worry, if we get closer and need a weaker leg, you’re our guy.”

That being said, the 36-yard try was the longest of Stephenson’s collegiate career. To the astonishment of everyone involved, the kick was no good.

This was a hard game for me to get over, evidenced by the fact that it’s taken me two weeks to muster any words on the subject. In a game where BYU’s most consistent play was the false start; in a game where BYU showed no improvement in the ‘not fumbling’ department after the debacle of one year ago; in a game where Utah’s two offensive touchdowns came on a pair of improbable one-handed and no-look catches, it was the attempting of two hopeless field goal that officially pushed me over the edge.

I can live with the 36-yard attempt from converted punter Riley Stephenson, but only barely considering the guy had never made or even tried a kick of that importance or distance in his time at BYU. But to attempt a 51-yard field goal with a kicker who has not practiced during fall camp, who is recovering from surgery, who proved earlier in the game he wasn’t reliable from 15-yards closer? To expect that kick to ever even get close to approaching good was an absolute denial of reality on the part of the BYU coaching staff.

The art of denying reality has been commonplace in Provo over the last few seasons. From the idea of using a rotating quarterback system to the refusal to blitz skittish, injury-prone quarterbacks (see BYU vs. Utah, 2011), BYU as of late has simply done stuff that I can’t understand. Trusting Justin Sorenson to be ready to make a season-defining kick when all the evidence suggests he will miss it is only one of them. (Trusting a quarterback who is playing injured and describes himself as 65% healthy is another) Of course faking the kick would have been beyond risky, maybe the gutsiest play call in the history of the BYU-Utah rivalry. I get that. But can you imagine how awesome a fake in that moment would have been? With Utah bringing the entire house for the block one BYU player could have stall-blocked on the edge before sprinting downfield looking for a wide-open game winning touchdown pass. Regardless the outcome it certainly would have made for remarkable discussion and memory. And it also would have proven that football gods answer prayers.

Unfortunately (spoiler alert) BYU doesn’t gamble. I’ve wondered before if this is a trickle-down effect of BYU being run by a church that is against all forms of wagering. However, I’ve come to realize that this refusal to gamble on big plays is yet another BYU denial of reality, the ruse being that BYU is too good for trick plays or fake kicks, that they don’t need to blitz six guys to get to the quarterback, that simply out-executing their opponent will be enough. Never mind that a half-back pass from Eddie Stinnett to Steve Young comprises one of the greatest moments in BYU history. Never mind that overloading Sam Bradford with blitzes led to BYU’s last great win, the 2009 triumph over Oklahoma. Nevermind that Utah turns the momentum against BYU every other year by executing a “where in the world did that come from, we never expected that!” fake punt. To admit to needing trick plays, the coaches must think, is to admit weakness.

All of this would explain why I was so unbelievably happy when BYU went for two points last week against Boise State. For those unaware, BYU scored against Boise State with three minutes left in the game to make the score 7-6 for Boise. (A real shoot-out, I know) Conventional wisdom suggested BYU kick the extra point and test their chances in overtime. Yet Bronco Mendenhall – in a move that went against every precedent he’d set since becoming coach -- revolted against the safe play, electing instead to risk it all and go for the win then and there. BYU missed on the conversion and the critics have eaten coach Mendenhall in the seven days following.

Close, but no candy cigar.

I, however, couldn’t have been happier with the decision as it signaled the arrival of what I’ve long been waiting for: evidence that BYU’s brain trust had finally accepted reality. The chances of winning that game in overtime, with a freshman quarterback playing behind a perpetually flustered offensive line, in a stadium that has seen the home team win 76 of their last 79 games while knowing that you would likely be relying once again on a broken-back kicker and a converted punter to make clutch field goals, the likes of which they were 0-3 on one week earlier CANNOT IN ANY WORLD BE BETTER THAN THE ODDS OF GAINING THREE YARDS!!!. They just can’t.

So it was that Bronco confronted the brutal facts and rolled the dice. It didn’t work, but at least BYU tried. And after watching whatever it was BYU attempted to do against Utah one week earlier, simply trying to win was good enough for me. 

Zac Strips a Movie: Dredd 3D

"I am the law." Never has there been a one line tag line that has encompassed the feel of an entire movie better that this one does. Dredd takes place in a future in which the world has been devastated by nuclear war and the country is a wasteland. The entire American population of 800 million is living inside a mega city that stretches from Boston to Washington DC (aptly named Mega City 1). The skyline is dominated by super skyscrapers, hundreds of stories high that are surrounding by the crumbling ruins of the old cities.

It is in this city that we find Judge Dredd. He works for the Hall of Justice as, you guessed it, a judge. It this cramped society, crime was running rampant and the old judicial system did not have the ability to keep order. So as a solution they streamlined the entire process. Now, the men and women of the Hall of Justice act as police, judge, jury and, if the judgment demands it, executioner. In this society Dredd is in fact "the law", and if I were in his shoes I would like saying it as well.

Yeah you are!

This movie is another in a long line of comic book adaptations and movie remakes. The character got his start in the late seventies in Great Britain in a serial called 2000 AD. He has been a super popular character for years over there and has had some struggles crossing over here. A major issue was with the 1995 film adaptation, Judge Dredd with Sylvester Stallone. It was a terrible movie, but to be completely honest if it is late at night and I see it on demand I will watch it and I will enjoy it, nothing will ever change that.

Many fans of the comic were upset by the movie because they took away the best parts of the character and decided to add some random character development. In the comics you never see Dredd's face. It was started as an unofficial guideline, but ended up being put down as an official rule for the artists to follow. The creator John Wagner explained it this way. "It sums up the facelessness of justice- justice has no soul. So it isn't necessary to see Dredd's face, and I don't want you to."  The first movie failed in that regard a ton. You see Stallone's face all over the place. If you really want an example I can show you a picture. I am warning you it isn't pretty.

Well if you are sure...

He had this look on his face the entire time.

The best part is that he wore blue contacts for the role when in the comics they don't even know the color of his eyes so his normal brown eyes would have been just fine. Silly Hollywood. I guess enough time (17 years seems like enough) had passed and the powers that be felt a remake would be a good thing, and I find myself agreeing with them.

In this version the titular character is played by Karl Urban. You might remember him from his role in RED or his role as Bones in the new Star Trek movie. His chiseled jaw and even stubble made him a great person for a role that would require him to cover everything but his mouth and chin.

As the movie starts Dredd is tasked with taking a new recruit out into the field for a final exam. The recruit is a young mutant psychic. They are out on a normal case when it takes a turn towards mayhem. The building defenses go up and the two judges are forced to fight their way up the building. For those of you that say it is just like The Raid you are wrong and should feel bad for being wrong.

See even Zoidberg agrees with me.

For having a fairly limited budget by today's standards I thought they did a good job with the special effects. The movie uses the popular time slow down technique, but they actually come up with a reason as to why it is being used. Having that logic in there made me happy. Urban does a great job being the stalwart no-nonsense judge. He doesn't convey many emotions because he isn't conflicted by who he is and what he is doing. If you have nothing against violent images and you want to see a good shoot 'em up movie I would recommend this one. Also I would like to leave you with this message.

Rating: 4 stars

Bagging on Chile

Poddery Barn welcomes it's first international guest, Fernando: Chilean Bagger Extraordinaire. Spencer and Nathan solve the oft-complained epidemic of inappropriate bagging at grocery stores nationwide. Their entrepreneurial spirit leads to increased wages for baggers and decreased accident rates on American roadways.

Always here to serve and entertain, Poddery Barn will eliminate those awkward moments at the checkout line and enhance your satisfaction as you commute to work or play.

Bagging is what we do best.

Washington DC

My inaugural post comes to you live from within spitting distance of the Lincoln Memorial. And thus begins the travel series of this blog!

Verbal Vomit: Animal Farm Gets Psyched

Verbal Vomit Episode 2! Landon and Rebecca are back for their weekly podcast.

Today's show consists of What's In The News, TV Talk, and an Old Fashioned Radio Reading of "Animal Farm."

Faith in the Fallen

This year the NFL is rife with story lines, from the referee lockout to the fallout from bounty gate to how I no longer have the same hate for Tom Brady (post pending), but there is one story that I will be following with the most fervor. The story is about the vindication and the indomitable spirit of two men I hold in the highest regard, Peyton Manning and Alex Smith.

As you can most likely tell I love Football with a passion. I will watch any sport on TV and I get emotionally involved in most of them, but football holds the top spot in my heart.  Nothing quite matches the thrill of watching your team make a miraculous 4^th quarter comeback or the joy you feel seeing a trophy being hoisted in the air, and thanks to these men I have seen and felt these things a lot over the years (One a bit more than the other). Sadly these two noble warriors have had their named defamed by “experts” and “douchefaces”.    

Or both in one

In college Alex Smith was an exemplary quarterback. During his final year he had some mind blowing stats. He threw 32 touchdowns and ran for 10 more all while only turning the ball over four times. The man was a machine, but one with a heart. This was proven when after the defeat of BYU and subsequent crowd rushing I was hugged by this man and he said two words to me “hey Zac”. It was a magical moment for all involved (mainly me) and I knew that one day he would take his talent to the league and he would find success. Unfortunately it was going to be a rough start.

Just stay down there for the next five years or so.

For years Alex was forced to stand behind subpar offensive lines and to try and learn a different offense each time they hired a new coordinator (hint: it was at least once a year). So after years of mediocre results many had given up on him, or worse decided that he was a joke from the start. Hearing those things crushed me because I knew differently. I had seen him play time and again from my spot in the muss on the second row and I had joined in the crowd chanting “70” because we felt that scoring 63 just wasn’t enough. Those chants were given to the winner that I knew Alex Smith to be. Even through the rough times I never wavered in my support, and my patience was about to be rewarded.

Like this kind of reward, but for my heart and brain.

 Finally the long night was ending and the dawn of a new age in San Francisco was about to begin.  The first ray of light came when Mike “rock for brains” Singletary was fired. He was a terrible coach and should be ashamed of the poor job he did and how poorly he treated his players. This was just another example that being a great player doesn't mean you will be a great coach. The next sunny beam came when Jim Harbaugh was announced as the head coach. He is probably just as intense as Singletary, but he knows where to place his steely gaze and seething rage and that is squarely on the opponents or on the refs. His addition to the team gave Alex confidence in himself and helped the team forge an identity. That year they went 13-3 and Alex currently has the longest streak of passes without an interception in the league.

Best watch out if he foams in your direction.

If you thought that first story was a little sad you should probably hold onto that box of tissues because this next tale will cause your face to leak like the Exxon Valdez (I felt it was too soon to talk about the BP oil spill, also you can ignore the tragedy better when you can picture Juan Valdez instead). Peyton Manning has been my sports hero for nearly a decade and a half. Growing up I was a 49ers fan because I lived in Utah and Steve Young was in his prime. We weren't really given a choice that was just how it was. As I grew older I was finally making my own choices about what teams I liked and why. Right around the same time as my budding sport individualism was peaking; Peyton Manning was finishing up his career at Tennessee. I guess the planets had aligned because I had found myself a man to look up to in sports. I knew that wherever he went I was going to be a fan of that team, and so I became a fan of the Indianapolis Colts. I am really grateful that he managed to avoid Dallas or Pittsburgh because can you imagine how awful a person that would have made me?

Thank you universe for saving me from that.

It was a glorious time in my life. I had a football team I cared about and a player that was amazing on the field and entertaining off of it. The first few years had some rough patches with some losing seasons, but I didn't mind. I was happy. It wasn't too long before the wins and personal accolades started piling up. A Superbowl win and four MVP awards is nothing to sneeze at. They even managed to become the winning-est team ever of a single decade by being amazingly consistent, like the double dipped chicken tenders at Goodwood BBQ. Like everything great in this world it had to come to an end (See: Chuck, the Batman trilogy, pizza Friday and soon to be added Community. Screw you NBC.).

In May 2011, Peyton Manning underwent a neck surgery to alleviate some neck pain and help with some arm weakness. It wasn't a big surgery by any means, but it opened the door to a world of hurt for me and the Colts (and I guess Peyton himself). In September Peyton underwent another surgery to perform a level one spinal fusion (and two more surgeries to round it out). I was stunned because Peyton had never missed a start in his career, but now we were being faced with the unthinkable, a year without Manning.  I will admit it was a rough season to watch. 2-14 is never easy and Curtis Painter was never meant to start an NFL game.

He looks like a kicker at best.

 The only thing that kept me going was knowing that at least Peyton was going to be back for the next season, but then is March of 2012 I was hit with another shocker. The Colts had released Manning to pursue a young replacement in the new draft. The worst is what came next. From that point on most the experts started to say that he was a has-been and that he should hang up his cleats. They didn't bother to accurately research his surgeries or listen to what his doctors were saying.

Yes I am still talking about them.

It was quite ridiculous. Here was a man with an incredible career, full of hall of fame numbers and they doubted him. Thankfully the people who run the teams aren't the same people that talk about sports on TV or else this story might have had a different ending, but as it stands Manning was taken by the Broncos and it appears their faith in him is going to pay off. In their season opener against the Steelers, Manning has a respectable outing with 250 yards and 2 TDs. I know he still isn't 100 percent (as evinced by his first quarter against the Falcons), but he is well on his way and for that I am grateful. Since I am old and set in my ways I am still a Colts fan, but I will be watching Manning and rooting for him until he decides it is time and rides off into the sunset (and probably some kind of coaching position).

There have been some difficult moments for both of these men, moments of darkness in which they probably questioned themselves and wavered in their commitment. Although they were cast off and downtrodden by the heartless media, one man had faith in these fallen giants and this man will be watching this year to see them regain their rightful place as legends.

Welcome, fellow man, to my part of this blog

Hello, fellow man. Today I will be addressing our relationship in depth. I've never been much for keeping a journal and my memory isn't the best. Therefore, the best remedy I have been able to come up with is blogging. I won't have to bother buying any pens or expensively blank books with pointless gold leaf along the edges anymore, not that it was ever my greatest temptation. Perhaps better yet, I have something more to do when online than looking at the weekend's sport scores a second time. Yes, my beloved Arizona Cardinals and Utah State Aggies are both still struggling. Both games' scores have remained the same due to a severe lack of uncovered conspiracies within the sports world. I'll continue having faith in both teams and it will eventually pay off. This I know with more certainty than 99% of everything else I pretendingly claim to know, even though I really know that there are fewer than five things in this world of which I'm truly sure. The eventual payoff of Aggie/Cardinal football fanhood is without doubt one of those five.
Is it time to muse upon my current state of mind? All one of my current readers (including myself) vote "yes"! It's unanimous, then. Several years ago I lost a certain trust in my fellow man. Am I willing to trust this devious "fellow man" with my real thoughts and opinions? The answer, since at least age 15, has been no. Do I trust fellow man to a certain point? Of course I do. I am, contrary to the belief of many, not a hermit. Thus, trusting my fellow man is required to a low degree. I trust that when I go to the store, fellow man will have stocked the shelves with food for me to purchase. I trust fellow man to walk past me on the street and acknowledge my existence if I accost her (I envision "fellow man" to be a female, despite her mannish name and that fact that half of all fellow men are, in fact, men).

Your face goes here.

I expect fellow man to be everywhere when I walk into my living room, into class, or drive down the freeway. I trust fellow man not to physically harm me, even though she has failed even at this simple task several times. I trust fellow man to do whatever she must to get by in the world. For I am nothing but another fellow man in her eyes. Occasionally, I let a fellow man into my life. Perhaps she and I are neighbors, classmates, roommates, grade school friends, or mutual Cardinal hopefuls. Any of these or nearly anyone else. In either case, sometimes a fellow man is welcomed into my life. I tell these few, unlucky fellow men who have stumbled into my life many of what they consider to be my strangest thoughts. I don't know what I want. Nor does my fellow man. Fellow man claims to want to know why I won't let her further into my life. Recently I have allowed fellow man to catch a glimpse of my true thoughts. She was frightened, petrified, and immediatey recoiled. Fellow man has failed me again. What do I do? I treat fellow man like who she is. A stranger. Fellow man is not to be trusted, along with the French. Here's to you, fellow man. Welcome to this blog.

Risky Business

Are you cool? If you don't take risks then you aren't. And Spencer and Nathan will make that painfully obvious to you. This is about having courage to reject the norm. It's about taking life into your own hands and not relying on fate, chance or gravity to ruin your day. Be bold. Be dangerous. Be loud. As you listen to the Masters of self help, you will realize that being cool is cool again. And nobody does cool better than Poddery Barn.

It may be old, but it isn't hidden. And you should hear it ring.

Zac Strips a Movie: Resident Evil: Retribution

Well this was the reunion episode of the series. They were kinda tired from all the "writing" and they decided they would just reintroduce some of the old characters and creatures to make it easy, because writing new things is just too hard. I should have known what I was in for since the director clearly has a type of movie he loves to make. That type just happens to be crappy ones with lots of violence and nonexistent plots. I will give you a few examples here: Death Race, DOA Dead or Alive, The Three Musketeers (the crappy new one), Alien VS Predator, Mortal Combat (not terrible) and five Resident Evil films. I am sure there is a special place in Hell reserved for this man; Ricky claims it is right next to the man responsible for Skyline and I hope that for all eternity they are forced to watch each other's movies. Each moment of agony they suffer as they attempt to kill each other, without results since you can't murder corpses, is well deserved for the pain and suffering they have caused to me and my friends.

This is the intro to my nightmares.

As you already know there wasn't much of a plot so I will give you what I was thinking as the movie progressed.

Movie starts: "Hey that intro was kinda cool."
8 minutes in: "Oh look they are going to rescue Alice so they can get on with the rest of the story."
15 minutes in: "This rescue will be ending shortly."
35 minutes in: "Wow this rescue is taking longer than I thought."
40 minutes in: "Are those zombie Nazis?'
80 minutes in: "Hey look they are on the surface and Alice is fully rescued! Oh wait no she isn't. Stupid submarines."
90 minutes in: "This looks awesome they finally have gathered together as the last remnants of humanity to fight the infected! The evil army outside is huge and awesome looking! This is going to be fantastic!"
93 minutes in: "Wait those had better not be the credits. That cannot be the end of this! I got Skylined* again!"

*Skylined- To be Skylined is to be suckered into a movie with the promise of something decent. As the movie goes along you hate so many things about it, but at the end something happens that makes you think the movie might have found redemption. As you get your hopes up again and begin to believe anew the credits begin. It is the Rick roll of the movie world, but without the catchy song.

You never should give them up Rick, never.

I was so blown away that this had happened to me again that as the credits began to roll I began to laugh. Not a quiet gentle laugh, but one of those guffaws that come from deep in the belly. It was the only reaction that made sense to me at the time. I felt that if I didn't laugh I would be forced to rip up the row of seats we were on and use them to batter the screen until I collapsed in the shredded remains of the fabric, weeping for an end of terrible movies that I know will never come.  The movie was a constant barrage of poor acting, poor writing and stupid one liners. The only redeeming quality of the movie was the fact that Milla Jovovich is an attractive lady and things got shot.

Don't see this movie. I don't care if you have nothing better to do. It is not worth dying a little more on the inside just to kill some time.

Rating: 1 Star

Verbal Vomit Episode 1

The Premiere of Landon and Rebecca's podcast, Verbal Vomit. This is a first, uncut and unscripted, so be prepared for a little awkwardness.

Discussed is The Electric Slide, proved is the fact that BYU's crime is more easily guessed, and a big shout out to author Aaron Starmer as well as birthday boy Adrian Miner.

BYU's Quest for Redemption

BYU looks to erase the memories of last year and beyond. 

Zac Strips a Movie: Lawless

Any movie based on a true story is subject to artistic license. In this case the movie is based on a book called "The Wettest County in the World". This book just happens to be written by one of the descendants of the Bondurant brothers and who in the world would try and paint a better picture of their ancestors? Now I am not going to say that he purposefully put them in a better light to look more like the Han Solo version of rebels (I totally am), but it seems like a bit of a stretch to say that "when the law became corrupt, outlaws became heroes." like it does on the movie poster. What are they the modern day version of Robin Hood and his band of Merry Men? They clearly were in it for their own profit and not to improve life of the community.

I was quite pleased with the casting of this movie for the most part. The only one I was worried about was Shia LaBeouf. He has always just come across as super whiny and just about the worst thing ever. In Transformers he seemed to feel entitled to everything because he had done something noble once. I helped an old lady across the street the other day and I don't think I deserve some huge reward or howdy do about it. Same thing goes for his characters in Wall Street (awful movie) and Indiana Jones (awfuler movie). In all honesty I miss the young LaBeouf from Holes. Why can't he be more like that?

What do you know? Age IS related to douchiness in his case.

I hold the rest of the cast in a much higher regard. I am a huge Tom Hardy fan and that made me super excited for this movie. The best news for me is that the filming for this took place at the same time as filming for The Dark Knight Rises so he was still all huge and bulky. We also were going to see Guy Pearce as a crazed lawman in from Chicago and Jessica Chastain as a former dancer looking for some quiet. Gary Oldman is a part of the cast as well, but he appears in the movie so briefly I think they just had an agreement that if they could use his name in the marketing they would throw fistfuls of money at him.

Ah the joys of being a name prostitute

With all the cast in place I was hoping for a good story. As the movie starts we see the three Bondurant brothers working together as moonshine makers and small time bootleggers during the Prohibition Era. Shia is the youngest and whiniest brother (big surprise there). Tom is the middle brother, but he is in charge of the operation due to his levelheadedness and supposed invincibility. The oldest brother is a drunken brawler who at times is not dependable.

Things are going along just fine until a new deputy, who also happens to be an OCD sociopath, comes into town and demands that he and the other officials need a cut of the bootlegging profits or they will be shut down. That is a quite shady, but is it really surprising that someone would try to take advantage of people doing something illegal? Well that whole thing didn't make the non-murderable Bondurant very happy, and he made his feeling known.

Kinda like this but outside and more old timey

So the movie goes on and the two sides to battle and one comes out the victor. I enjoyed the movie overall, but there were a few places where I felt the story dragged a little. There were some very good action scenes and also some moments that made me laugh. There was even a scene that I swear took place near Hogwarts. If you were to guess what scene and you said the one where Harry has to face the dementors on a frozen lake you would be correct.

Still not 100% sure which movie this came from

Rating 4 Stars

Back to School

There are many things to like about Fall. Falling leaves. Cooler weather. Corn mazes. Football. Those things are all great but Fall just isn't Fall if you don't go back to school. 

I attended Utah State University for four years. That was my biggest mistake. I finished college way too quickly. I have many friends from school that are still there. And yea, I'm extremely jealous of them. 

Were the cookies that good?

School was more than just fun, it was downright shocking. Some of the more shocking school memories I have were of a streaker during a screening of Star Trek (Old Spock wasn't the only one who couldn't keep his pants on), packing 70 people into my apartment for a cookie party without anyone notifying Old Farm management, and witnessing Jaycee Carroll break the all-time scoring record in the Spectrum (how that building kept from collapsing in the excitement is a huge mystery). But none of that shocked me more than the countless times I heard people say that they couldn't wait to be done with college. 

Excuse me?! I don't get it. What exactly are you looking forward to? School is as good as it gets. And that's nothing to get disappointed about. 

Seriously? Why am I smiling?!

I've heard a lot of excuses for this insanity defense. Usually people are sick of finals, homework, roommates, or going to class. The last one is my personal favorite. Going to class. Most full time students take about 15 credits. (If you're smart you'll take less, but not so you can focus more on the classes you'll have.) That means they spend about fifteen hours a week in class. That's less than most part time jobs require you to work. And it's fifteen hours spent learning about something that (hopefully) is interesting to you. After you graduate you then start (hopefully?) working. That's 40+ hours a week. So unless you don't like class because it's too short then you've got it all wrong thinking that after graduation it will be better for you. 

What about homework, studying, and finals? Yea, these three can get pretty annoying, but it's only because you're doing them at the wrong time. Friday and Saturday nights are not good times for school work. If your study group can only get together on a Saturday, you've got to quit. You're better off doing it alone. They're masochists! There are only three reasons a study group leader would want to study during prime social hours:

1. She wants you to become so disillusioned with school that you drop out thus opening up career opportunities for herself in the future.  
2. He's trying to help his roommate date your girlfriend.
3. He's trying to date you. He obviously doesn't have a clue how.

Unless your assignment is due in three hours or your project is due the next day you can always push it back to do later. You won't always have chances to participate in a city-wide snowball fight, to watch that new movie with the girls next door, or take a last minute trip to Los Angeles. 

Meet Brandon. We met him at church. He let us sleep in his house.

You will, however, always have another chance to study. Try studying during the day when you don't have class. You'll be glad you did.

College is the one time in your life when you will live within walking distance of dozens of friends. There is always somebody nearby who wants to do something and that something is usually pretty cool. If you're roommates are lame, it's a good thing you have hundreds of cool neighbors.

After school you will grow up and move out of your college neighborhood into a "normal" neighborhood. Everyone locks their door in a "normal" neighborhood. And yea, it will be pretty weird for you to just go up to some random house, knock, and ask to play. It worked when you were five. It worked when you were at college. And it won't work again until you are in a nursing home. 

Where else can you comfortably eat cereal out of a sombrero?

If having less free time, working more, and having less social opportunity is your idea of fun then by all means, keep looking forward to that blissful day of graduation. If it were possible for me to have spent even less time worrying about my classes, I wish I would have. Then maybe I would have failed them. And then I'd be happily going back to school. 

Jogger. Teacher. Podder.

Season 2 Episode 1: Eight months. Eight long, desolate, Tony's Pizza-esque months. We suffered too, dear listener. You were not alone during those horrible work days, searching iTunes hopelessly for just one thing worth downloading. We missed listening to our voices as well.

Today we make up for it. Today we make our come back, our season two debut. We do so stronger. More suburban. Eloquenter. And we bring with us our best guest yet. The jogger. The teacher. The podder. A man who requires but one title and one name: Doctor Gene.

One day Gene will have his own statue.

Why Are People Dumb About 9/11?

Spencer's latest attempt at parody.

The AD Who Played With Fire

University of Utah athletic director Chris Hill has no fear of karma. He should.